The right to be angry

Sometimes someone gets angry. Lets call them person A.

And then often someone close to the issue tells them they have "no right to be angry".  Lets call this one B.


I find this to be a confounding and non-constructive response. Often person B will get angry at person A for having gotten angry in the first place. And then it becomes a cycle... suddenly person A is angry at person B for having gotten angry at person A for having been angry, because person A has every right to be angry.

Whether you followed that or not the point is, that telling someone they don't have the right to be angry is never helpful.

Anger is very rarely a rational response in any situation; but if they are angry, then they are also hurt.

And if someone you love is hurt, then you need to help them; not exacerbate the problem by stripping them of rights.

By all means discuss with them the lack of merit in their anger. Plenty of wise men (Jesus, Confuscious, Budha, etc.) have already done to death the idea that anger is not healthy. But ignoring it is not healthy either. Anger, once present, must be dealt with and processed.

So talk to your friend about the source of their anger, and try and help them to grow past it... but never tell them they don't have the right to experience anger, because it will only make them angry.